Microsoft Technical “Support”:
Another Sign of the End Times
Recently, I had the fortune to experience the most outrageous customer service interaction I have ever had, courtesy Microsoft ListBuilder’s Live Help Chat. During this chat, Ray from Microsoft establishes his credentials as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, posing as a helpful customer service representative whose ruthless adherence to a customer service script allows him to bludgeon his customers with the smoothest of reassurances.
As will see from the encounter below, my skills in customer advocacy are outmatched by Ray’s ability to guide the conversation to its well-scripted conclusion without any possible recourse. Using all of his perverse savvy, Ray is able to catch me in a circular, scripted dialogue that ultimately implodes as it crushes in on itself, enveloping both of us in utter meaninglessness and disconnection, carving the very meaning out of our words until they are nothing but empty, post-modern shells.
The one flaw in Ray’s approach is that he underestimates my ability to document his tactics and expose them to public scrutiny. As I write, a plan is underway to alert Ray’s superiors regarding his attempts to subvert the customer service paradigm. Watch this space for updates. Without further ado…..
Chat Topic: Jon Reed, please state the nature of your issue.
Jon Reed: I’m still having an interest group problem four weeks later....
(Jon Reed joins the chat)
(Ray joins the chat)
Ray: Hi Jon, I'm Ray. Welcome to bCentral live support.
Jon Reed: Hi Ray.
Ray: I apologize for the inconvenience caused to you due to this issue.
Jon Reed: No problem. I just want to make you aware of what the issue is so you can pass the info along.
Ray: I would like to bring to your notice that currently we are doing some maintainence work on the List Builder service, hence you are facing this issue!
Jon Reed: But Ray, I've been having this problem for about four or five weeks.
Ray: Jon, our technicians have resolved the issue. They are now currently doing some routine maintainence work.
Ray: I would request you to please try after a couple of hours in order to access your List Builder service and add the interest groups at a later time.
Jon Reed: OK, Ray, but I guarantee you I will have the same problem tomorrow, just as I have every day for the last month. Also, I AM NOT having a problem adding interest groups, that is not the problem!!!
Ray: Jon, I assure you that you will not face this issue again.
Ray: I am sorry I could not resolve your issue immediately. May I help you with any other information today?
Jon Reed: OK Ray, I'm going to hold you to this, I have been through a number of these chats with no results. I will get this one printed out, and I'll check on this tomorrow, and you are going to be proven wrong.
Jon Reed: The thing that really bothers me about this chat is that you never asked me what was wrong. I don't know how you can guarantee my problem will be fixed if you don't know what kind of problem I'm having.
Ray: I am sorry for not asking you the problem.
Ray: Please note that since currently we are doing some routine maintenance I provided you with the information.
Jon Reed: OK, please note that you do not understand my problem, and thus, you do not know if maintenance would affect my problem. Also, please note that the “routine maintenance” you are referring has not begun and is not scheduled to begin for another hour according to the information on the ListBuilder site.
Jon Reed: But just to humor you, I will wait 24 hours and hope that the situation improves as you think it will.
Ray: Thanks Jon.
Ray: Let me re-assess the chat for you. You had logged in with the issue regarding your List Builder service. I have provided you with the List Builder service information in order to resolve your issue.
(editor’s note: at this point Jon Reed is typing in his own reassessment of the chat, but has not been able to enter it in the chat log, and before he is able to do so Ray quickly enters his exit line below and signs off)
Ray: Thanks Jon, for using bCentral Live Support. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Have a great day! (Ray logs off, immediately ending our chat)
Epilogue: 24 hours later, the technical problem that Jon Reed logged in to discuss is still affecting his ListBuilder account, despite Ray’s bold predictions to the contrary.
Update 12/10/01, email to ListBuilder technical support
ListBuilder is basically completely non-functional right now. I'm not sure it's legal to continue charging customers for this product. When you are actually able to log-in to ListBuilder, which you can't take for granted these days, it is impossible to perform basic functions like changing your welcome message and deleting subscribers. I have no idea what is going on ListBuilder, but it seems to me that you folks need to really take a hard look at the kind of service you are currently providing and what it would take to provide a product that is even half as good as ListBot, the previous program that you got rid of to make way for ListBuilder, one of the most unreliable and poorly designed email marketing and list management programs ever created. I am going to start researching other email marketing options because it's been weeks of technical hassles with no results. And it's not as if ListBuilder was working very well to begin with. There are basic design and functionality flaws in terms of searching for subscribers, changing interest groups for subscribers, deleting and re-adding subscribers, etc. The legacy of ListBuilder is to take something good (ListBot), throw it out completely even though it contained many valuable features, and start from scratch on some hot new program that will be the best email marketing program ever - but don't consult with your current customers, instead let your technicians decide what would constitute a good email marketing interface. "ListBuilder: Your Competitive Disadvantage in the Email Marketing Business."
Jon Reed
