For those of you that aren’t from around here, our local Men’s Resource Center (MRC) is nationally recognized for its innovative grassroots programming, particularly for its work developing batterer treatment programs and combating domestic violence. The article below is the result of several meetings I had with the MRC director, who is working on new programs for men in the business world who would like to find a way to be more directly involved with the MRC. I still think highly of the MRC and its leadership, but at the same time I stand by what I wrote in this article and believe it deserves a better fate than an afterthought on some editor’s crowded desk.

Men in Business: Making our Lives Count

We had been gathered together by Steven Botkin, the Director of the Men’s Resource Center and a trusted mentor from our college years, to discuss how the MRC could be more involved in the lives of men in the business world. I was looking forward to the discussion, but being around my old friend, I couldn’t help but think back to those college days and wonder how ten gritty years in the business world had changed us.

One thing I knew just by looking into his eyes: no matter how our college peers and professors now perceive us, neither one of us has ever sold out. Perhaps we made choices that we would now like to rethink, but that is different than letting the fire in your heart flicker due to an obsession with financial success. Yet despite our best efforts to find wholeness and integrity in our work lives, something had eluded us. Is that why we were both here with Steven tonight?

During our first “men in business” discussion, Steven Botkin asked us how men in the business world could somehow benefit from and also make a greater contribution to the Men’s Resource Center. A more potent version of the question might be: can men in the business world be a part of the solution, or are we, by definition, part of the problem?

The answer is that it all depends on the man. My father, for example, took one look at the business world and turned away in disgust; he found a better place for himself as a renegade professor. However, he threw in the towel on fatherhood as well as business, so I never felt his life choices were necessarily definitive. My own experience has taught me that contrary to my father’s home-brewed rhetoric, “business integrity” does not have to be an oxymoron. I wouldn’t say that I feel like part of the solution every time I punch the clock, but academia is no safe haven from these same hard questions.

As I listened to the stories of the other businessmen in our group, I could see that they had all grappled with similar issues: these were good men who were committed to creating humane workplaces and giving something back. They were also very conscious of how the mundane but essential needs of business can create an isolation that is hard to break out of.

In the aftermath of the terrorist attacks, there is an even greater necessity to embrace our daily business involvements – Bush’s now-famous “Call to Work” - but there is also a tendency to question whether what we are doing in our daily business lives really amounts to anything at all. Looking at all the horrifying tv footage of “ground zero,” it was hard not to question whether your time was better spent in New York City helping with the rescue effort or outside a local Mosque organizing against the anti-Muslim backlash.

But business has a way of bringing you back to the realities of daily life: eventually you must go back to the commitments that you’ve made and find a way to get through the day, even if there’s a huge fault line underneath you at all times. The problem is that you can get so caught up in the next crucial project that one day you look up at an old friend and realize that you’ve become alienated from things you really care about. Even if you’ve fully reckoned with what you are doing in the business world and why - in my case, I’m intent on acquiring the resources to finance my own subversive projects - you can still find yourself in over your head, in dire need of some perspective you can’t seem to find.

During our talk that night, one main theme was: What does the MRC have to offer men in business, men who might have a real passion for the work of the MRC but who are caught up in their own work and family lives? The reverse question is also powerful: What do men in business have to offer the MRC besides a donation? It was clear from our discussion that donating money, while important, was not enough for either: both sides were looking for something more than that.

So what are men in business really looking for, and what does the MRC have to offer us? These are ongoing questions for MRC supporters to mull over. For now, I can give you my answer; I can tell you why I sat down at the table that night. I think I was looking for a chance to re-connect with other men who can provide me with something deeper than I typically get from my business colleagues. I think I was hoping to be reminded that I still need a little more balance in my life. I needed to be told that my ability to downplay my own emotions and keep the work going no matter what it takes is not necessarily something to brag about. Perhaps I needed the MRC to help me see that I have gotten a little off track, lost in the nitty-gritty of keeping a business afloat instead of paying attention to what my true talents are.

Looking across the table at my old college friend that night, I could tell that neither one of us had really figured it all out. To tell you the truth, we both looked a little tired. We looked like men on a much-needed break from a battle whose outcome was still unclear. Had we somehow lost our way, or were we just spent from the good work we had undertaken? Were we on the right path after all, but on a longer and more difficult journey than we ever could have envisioned? There’s no way to conclusively answer these questions over nachos and a couple of cold drinks. But it sure is good to talk about them.